So, after reading Kimi24's post, I decided to look up PTSD. I am pretty sure that I have it. I checked off every single box on the list. I don't have a therapist to tell me this fact, but my score on the check sheet is 80, the highest score is 85. I felt as though I was stepping into a new place when I read all of those items on the list. Maybe this will help me start making sense of my life.
I was adopted by my dad's parents after my parents abandoned me when I was 3. My grandparents weren't the best at parenting and my uncles were just plain bad men. I know what it feels like to be victimized by those who are supposed to love me.
Later in life, I found my dad and learned that he abandoned me because he felt like hurting me. He didn't want to hurt me the way he was hurt, so he left me at the sheriff's office. He said that my mom left us and he was afraid. He didn't know that his parents would adopt me and hurt me like they hurt him. He thought that leaving me at the sheriff's office would give me a chance at a good home. He has never hurt a soul and is a very kind man. He regrets ever abandoning me and has apologized. I sure wish I had him for a daddy all these years!
I am so sorry you went through that. I was abandoned by my dad at 3:00 but under different circumstances. I was injured at his house and he decided to give up his weekend visitation to his parents.. my grandparents were wonderful people but I still never got over my dad never being there for me.. I can't imagine what you went through but the PTSD that we suffer from is definitely real. It hits you like a ton of bricks when you realize all the pieces for together
Windsurfer,
I am glad that my post has given you at least one small answer. It sounds as though you are early in your healing journey. I hope that you have the support system you need. The part about your dad finding out that his efforts to save you from that life were for not, I cannot imaging what that realization meant for both of you. I am glad you found this forum and hope that you can find peace in knowing you're not alone.
Kimi